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What is it like to be old — really old? Oldness is something I am experiencing first hand, for the first time. It was my thought, when I started this blog, that I might give others some insight into old age. I even hoped that some old folks would enjoy reading about (even communicating with) others in the same boat. A little musing, a little reality, a little humor, perhaps some helpful hints on how to get by — from me and from others. Unfortunately I have tried to tap into a demographic that isn’t there. People my age don’t spend much time on computers. Others my age don’t even know I’m here.
However, I do have children, and it is my hope that someday they may want to know what mom (grandma, greatgrandma) thought about in her later years, before she checked out.
What does 88 feels like? Let’s say first of all that, having had vertigo for the entire month of January, I am still grateful every morning, when I sit on the edge of my bed, that the world is not rotating. (Of course it is, but not so I notice it.) And I’m grateful (usually) for having had a pain-free night. My back does ache during the day, the aftermath of a T8 fracture and a congenital T9-10 fusion, but fortunately lying down makes the pain subside. Then there are the legs — they just don’t want to go anymore. I’m told I have one speed – slow. And I’d never pass the driving test of walking a straight line.
Mentally, I’m still able to blog but notice that I have trouble with sequences. Even if I can figure out how to do something, by trial and error, I then can’t remember how I did it. Playing a game with my greatgranddaughter, Selva, in which each person adds a word to make a sentence, other people can remember what word each person added, but I only know the last two or three. And, of course, like everyone else, I’ll walk into a room and not know why I went there. But I think I do it more often than most people.
I have never been good at remembering faces and have gotten progressively worse. I’ll know the face but the name totally escapes me. I’m no better at dates. I can tell you the year I was born, the year I was married, the year my husband left me, and 9/11/2001. Don’t expect me to know 2001 part next year. Even as a youngster I thought it was nice to know about the things that happened way back when, but it seemed to me the precise date was irrelevant unless I planned to appear on Jeopardy.
When I read some of the blogposts I wrote two or three years ago, I don’t remember ever having known some of that stuff. There’s nothing like having a blog to bring home the fact that much of what we know today and read today will have vanished into some mysterious cerebral realm in a year or two. Is it there somewhere, somehow retrievable, or is it deleted and the recycle bin emptied? I tell myself that for eighty years I have been doing things and learning things and forgetting all about them. So it’s really nothing new. But I do think I have perhaps stepped up the pace a bit!
Not many people are terribly interested in knowing the inner thoughts of an 88 year-old lady but I put them out there anyway hoping perhaps someday my children and their offspring may want to know me better and somewhat understand some of the traits they have inherited. Some of them lean to the left and are anything but practicing Catholics. I, on the other hand, was born Catholic and have never found anything that made more sense to me. I regret that my loved ones seem to think Catholicism archaic and dumb and are proud to have moved on to more modern and reasonable positions.
All the above will help to explain why I, over and over, write posts saying, “See, all these highly respected and educated people are Christian. See, this intelligent person became, of all things, Catholic! How do you explain the shroud of Turin, the miracles at Fatima, the caterpillar-to-butterfly thing, the world and life itself? I had hoped for some on-line dialogues taking to me task for my old-fashioned beliefs and putting me straight.
Well, if there are any octogenarians out there delighting in my posts, I don’t know about it. On-line dialogues seeking to right my wrongness haven’t happened. And I am 88 and getting tired. This does not mean I will stop blogging. It does mean I will probably slow down (it is like work, you know) and not post just for the sake of posting (some bloggers do, and I don’t understand that), but when I really feel moved to put something out there for whomever stops by. And my progeny. I really love you guys. Keep on thinking and seeking, and above all, love each other and love TRUTH.
Oldsters, I sure would like to hear from you if you’re out there!
Progeny, I welcome disagreement — and love an honest exchange of sincerely held opinions.
~~~
Lawrence Beamon doesn’t sing the words that made me think of this song, but enjoy him anyway.
Ah gits weary, and sick o’ trying
Ah’m tired o’ livin’ and skeered o’ dyin’
But ol’ man river, he just keeps rollin’ along.
~~~
Traffic cop: Do you know you were speeding?
She: Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going!
~~~
“If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” — Mark 9:24
Mrs. Vining,
I look forward to reading your blog posts, and I value your 88 years of experiences and perspective.
My mother had a stroke in 2000 at the age of 76 which left her unable to speak or write. My father, who will be 90 in November, can still speak, but he can’t hear a thing so it’s difficult to engage him in discussion. He was a man of few words even before he lost his hearing though.
I’ve been caring for my parents in their home since my dad’s stroke in 2003. My mother died in 2008, but my dad is still here with us, thank the Lord. I miss my mother’s voice, and I cried often over the loss of her ability to share her thoughts and feelings with me. We managed to communicate well enough non-verbally to keep her happy and comfortable, or so it seemed. Still, it was a loss that affected me deeply. Just as I reached the age to be able to truly appreciate her opinions, thoughts and words of advice, she lost the ability to share them with me.
I spend most of my time at home with little interaction with others and not much to do to entertain myself as my dad is mostly bed-bound now, so I read lots of blogs. It’s so refreshing to find an older person or two writing and sharing. There’s an abundance of trash to be found in the blog world, but there are also some treasures. Your blog is a treasure.
Thank you.
Maggie
P.S. Have you ever read Leona Choy’s blog? She’s another older writer I enjoy . . . and found through Barbara Curtis’ “MommyLife.”
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Dorothy Vining reply on August 3rd, 2011 10:03 pm:
Maggie – I appreciate your encouragement. I must stop at Leona Choy’s blog soon – I’ve read her book and posted about it but need to see her blog. Which I will do NOW! Love.
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I suspect the Progeny don’t argue with you because, in their hearts, they know you’re right. But they don’t want to give up their pleasures to embrace stuffy old religion. Which is wrong of course, it’s not stuffy and it’s not old: it’s ANCIENT. Yet Christianity and Judaism have endured beyond all odds and efforts to snuff them out.
Even in this modern and theoretically “enlightened” century, people are dying because they won’t renounce the beautiful faith that sustains them. That ought to tell people something!
We were watching a tv show last night and I was very aggravated with how everyone in the tv family was responding to a situation. During our discussion at home, we realized that they were responding normally as people would who don’t have God. But how much better it would have been if they had responded how the Bible teaches us… which is something those of us who have grown up with the Church don’t even think about, it’s been part of us for so long.
I do grieve for the young people who tough it through life without the benefit of God’s wisdom to guide them. It also explains why the last two generations have made such painful mistakes: how can they get anything right when they won’t check out God’s instruction manual?
You’re not alone; every Christian is frustrated at how people are rejecting the Truth of Jesus which could change their lives for the better. I think the description of the church of Laodicea (Rev 3) describes the problem perfectly: they are affluent and because of that, they can’t be moved or motivated to care about the things that matter. Materialism has ruined them.
I do believe that the prayers of mothers and grandmothers are what holds the world together, though, and is most likely one of the main reasons faith has endured.
Thank you for a beautiful blog post.
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Dorothy Vining reply on August 3rd, 2011 10:00 pm:
Annie – a very thoughtful comment and much appreciated. You are right, of course. We mothers really have our work cut out for us.
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Well in a few days I will be 43, but I do enjoy your blog and check in frequently. I am Catholic too. I hope you will keep it up as long as you are able because I appreciate what you have to say!
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Dorothy Vining reply on August 3rd, 2011 9:56 pm:
Thanks for checking in. Please say a prayer for me that I can continue to make sense. God bless. f
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What a goldmine I came across in your blog. It’s fascinating and inspiring to learn about your adventures and challenges as an 88 year old blogger. I just retired, and haven’t hit 70 yet, but I hope my mind is even half as sharp as yours is now. Now let me think, why did I come into this room????????????????????
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Dorothy Vining reply on August 3rd, 2011 9:50 pm:
Thank you, Lynne, for stopping by. Enjoy your retirement and let me know if you start a blog.
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So I am 35, and I found your website because my grandfather is 88 and I was hoping to get some insight into how he feels. My grandmother passed away 8 years ago, and for the past couple of years my grandfather has been seeing someone else. It has been very hard on my family. I do try to understand how he feels, however…
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