Two blondes are sitting on a bench in Oklahoma.  One says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?”

The second blonde replies:  “Hellooooooo!  Can you see Florida?”


A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station.  She tells the mechanic it died.

He works on it a few minutes and soon has it running smoothly.  “What’s the story,”  she asks.

He replies, “Just crap in the carbueretor.”

She asks:  “How often do I have to do that?”


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks nicely to see her license.

She replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.  Yesterday you took my license away and now you want me to show it to you!”


This blonde goes for a walk, comes to a river, and sees another blonde on the other side.  “Yoo-hoo,” she shouts.  “How can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river, down the river, and then shouts back, “You ARE on the other side!”


A gorgeous redhead goes into the doctor’s office and complains that  she hurts wherever she touches herself.

“Show me,” said the doctor.

She took her finger, put it on her left breast and screamed.  She touched her elbow and screamed some more.  She pushed her knee and screamed, pushed her ankle and screamed.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?'”  ” No,” she replied, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” said the doctor.  “Your finger is broken.”


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night and it was her turn.  Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thinks for a minute, then asks, “Is it on or off?”


The blonde calls the Fire Department screaming, “Hurry, hurry, my house is on fire and my children will burn!”

“Lady, lady,” they answer.  “You’ll have to calm down and tell us how to get to your house.”

“Duh,” she says.  “In your big red truck!”


I was visiting my blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs.   When I asked about their names, she said they were called Timex and Rolex.

“Strange names for dogs,”  I said.

“Hellooooooo” she answered.   “They’re WATCH  dogs!”