These gems arrived in my email today, claiming they were “PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS.”   Somehow I got sucked in!

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was  Sir Cumference.   He acquired his size from too much  pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,  but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian..

She was only a whiskey maker, but he  loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated  from algebra  class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the  envelope, it’ll still  be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the  road and was  cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in  France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended  up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist  camp wall. The  police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies  like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet  organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack  in the hallway.   One hat said to the other:  ‘You stay here; I’ll go on  a head.’

I wondered why the baseball kept  getting bigger. Then  it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab  center said: ‘Keep  off the Grass.’

The midget fortune-teller who escaped  from prison was  a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas  and pepper spray  is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that  counts. In  feudalism it’s your count  that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of  religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in  Paris, you’d be in  Seine .

A vulture boards an airplane,  carrying two dead  raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m  sorry, sir, only one  carrion allowed per passenger..’

Two fish swim into a concrete  wall. One turns to the  other and says ‘Dam!’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were  chilly, so they  lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,  proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One  says, ‘I’ve lost my  electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m  positive.’

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain  during a root canal? His goal:  transcend dental  medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,  with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!